Somehow, "I'm late" has turned into "We're having a baby". (Techincally, yes, I'm having it, but don't think I'm going to let him out of some extra effort.)
We've had a pretty good idea of what may be going on with me for a little over 2 weeks (as of writing this...on September 26.) A rough idea, I guess I should say. Because just yesterday, I was thinking that we could theoretically really have a small human in our care come next May.
Where to start? I have no idea what to do, or what not to do. I cannot even begin to list the questions I have and my concerns for the uncertainties of the future. This is so not me. I mean, the lack of direction, yes, that's me. The wanting to know the unknown, me again. But the going to be a parent, so not me.
Excited? More than I thought possible. I did not think "excited" would be a word I would use when referring to my thoughts on having a baby. So, I am so happily surprised that I am excited.
Terrified? Yep. That one I expected. I have no idea what to do NOW. How am I supposed to figure out what to do in a few weeks, months, or years. I know, I know, worry about it when the time comes. (Again, so not me!)
Contained. We have decided not to tell anyone because it's too long for us to wait, we don't want to make other people wait as long. Well, that sounds much nicer than I intended. We don't want to deal with the overwhelming questions from the parents, or "grandparents to be", I guess I should say. I don't know how to tell people yet. I especially want to get through as much of a safe period as possible; I definately hope I don't have to say it and then take it back. (Always with the negativity in my mind, I just don't know how to kick it out, I guess.)
I have managed to schedule a doctor's appointment. So, we'll see how that goes. Then, we'll see if I have to change doctors. There's books on pregnancy and books on parenting, but it's very difficult to figure out how to pay for all of this. It's going to be mighty expensive, I guess.
No comments:
Post a Comment